Get out of here and don’t come back! This is “Ernest Scared Stupid.”. (back to the movie) Oh, well, who knows? Did it lose its edge in the last few pages? Ernest finds Sheriff Binder, who is Kenny's dad, and explains the situation but they do not believe him. Rimshot! This time, the kids come prepared! NC (voiceover): Actually, that’s Eartha Kitt, and she doesn’t seem to be happy to see Ernest on her property. I bet you thought I couldn’t find any this time of year. But the EVIL bullies come to mess up their fun! (fires again) Fire three! So yes, this movie was officially written by Cherry Coke. How come I’m not more surprised? NC: Yeah, but he’s also gotten a million other things wrong! It has Ernest, it’s stupid, and it is scary in its own right, and that the idea of sitting through this ass-testicle of a movie scares the living shit out of me! Scary costume. NC (voiceover): Is it weird to say that she looks like Chester A. Bum’s grandmother? He takes Trantor and dances with him while the mob watches, filling him with as much love as possible and finishing it off with a kiss to his snot-ridden nose, which causes Trantor to explode. She looks and only finds a stuffed bear. NC (voiceover): So while being harassed by rejected Garbage Pail Kids, a bunch of the school children pop up with their secret weapon. Arnold (from “Troll 2”): (speaks while intercutting with Elizabeth screaming) They’re eating her! Jim Varney's recurring dim-bulb character Ernest P. Worrell returns in this film as a school maintenance man seeking to obtain a high school diploma. (Clips from the movie play again as NC speaks). NC (voiceover): So his (Trantor’s) scared shitless action set is almost complete as he tries to get rid of the only person who apparently can stop him. You know, for a woman who knows everything about these monsters, she sure did overlook the page about how to stop ‘em! He didn’t know it was coming! She never expressed any interest to him before. Flee this evil place! And then they’re gonna eat me! NC (voiceover): That’s Rimshot? After none of the towns folk will assist Ernest because they care about the Halloween party, he mounts a one-man (and one-dog) defense operation in preparation for Trantor's appearance. In fact, I don’t think that was in the script! (The girl backs up against the tree and screams, though we see her briefly smile in-between screams), NC (voiceover): Oh, points taken off for smiling! Use the HTML below. (reverses the film to go back to the white flash and pauses on the shot of the man who is still under the white flash) Who the fuck’s that guy? Tell you what; complimentary Milk Duds on me! (Cut to a flashback when Ernest was a kid; he’s in detention writing on a chalkboard), (Kid Ernest scratches on the chalkboard with his fingernails, but the teacher slaps him on the back of the head, and he ends up hitting his head on the chalkboard before stumbling backwards a bit), NC: (laughs) OK, that’s one funny scene. Trantor, a demonic troll who turns children into wooden dolls to feast upon their energy, is captured by townspeople of Briarville and sealed under a giant oak tree in the 19th Century. Ernest accidentally unleashes an ugly troll that plots to transform children into wooden dolls in the town of Briarville, Missouri. Girl: This thing looks silly. (Cut to a scenario between NC and The Other Guy dressed as a bully), NC: (stands shorter than TOG as though he’s a small kid) You may think you’re strong now, but I’m drinking my milk. Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. Ernest, Kenny and Elizabeth return to Hackmore, where they learn that "the heart of a child, and a mother's care" are the only defenses against the troll. Ernest (as a lumberjack): There ain’t no trees in Botswana. Directed by John R. Cherry III. Look at him; he looks like a caricature of Mickey Rourke playing Willow. Ernest: (calls out from inside the truck) Rimshot! (The back door of the truck closes on him) Ow! Ernest Scared Stupid is a 1991 American comedy horror film directed by John R. Cherry III and starring Jim Varney. All future ones were independently produced, and following the financial failure of the theatrical release Ernest Rides Again, they shifted to a straight-to-video market. (He walks offscreen, leaving Francis alone). Ernest: (sobs) There’s nothin’ in that tree for me. One of the village elders, Phineas Worrell, an ancestor of Ernest, establishes the seal. (Ernest pulls apart the battery from a controller, stopping the walls from moving; he chuckles at this until static electricity sporadically connects between the battery and the controller, starting up the mechanisms again; he screams at this). Kenny: Got them in my sights. Trespassing on an old lady’s land? (During Ernest’s reaction shots, there is a white flash on another man standing in place of Ernest for a brief moment before cutting to Ernest). NC (voiceover): So the troll heads back to the tree so that he can use the doll to somehow bring the other trolls to life. (Elizabeth kisses Kenny on the cheek before running off). (1991). Life could be pretty if there wasn't someone like Ernest P. Worrell on this planet. All future Ernest films were independently produced, and following the financial failure of the theatrical release Ernest Rides Again, the Ernest films shifted to a straight-to-video market. It’s just you. Now, Trogdor? When Old Lady Hackmore discovers this, she angrily leaves. (Ernest ends up in a garbage cube and is pushed out of the truck and onto the ground), NC (voiceover): Oh, I see. Other Products. He’s totally shocked when she does it! Back at the treehouse, Trantor successfully summons his army of trolls while Ernest tries, but fails, to stop them. Oh, my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD! NC (voiceover): (as Francis, who looks at the camera briefly) Well, I’m glad you can sit through it, folks. Troll Guard (from “A Troll in Central Park”): (audio) I’m a bad troll! Sheriff Binder, open up! Kenny and Elizabeth come trying to find Ernest. Binder’s Wife: Leaving the kids out there? He embraces him and begins dancing, overwhelming him with love and affection. Francis: The troll is getting stronger! Kenny and his friends arrive and begin destroying the trolls with milk. Let’s see Jim Varney and Eartha Kitt try to out-mug each other again. I mean, in the opening, he was caught by a net! Ernest, a lovable loser who works as a summer camp handyman and dreams of becoming a guidance councilor, must find a way to inspire a group of juvenile delinquents as well as stop a shady strip mining company from closing the camp. NC: Is his whole mission in this movie to eat the fucking camera? Welcome back! Ernest Scared Stupid (1991) Plot. NC (voiceover): (as Trantor) Where was I? The film had its first DVD release from Touchstone Home Entertainment on September 3, 2002. Kenny: (turns a switch on the outside) This should open it! (NC still looks confused as the mother and daughter hug). NC (voiceover): So Ernest talks with the Eartha Kitt lady and…for SOME stupid reason, actually tells him how to summon the troll. Jim Varney—God bless him—I’m sure he’s trying, but he just needed better direction. NC (voiceover): The last Ernest movie to be shown in theatres—(laughs) and by GOD, you can see why—“Ernest Scared Stupid” certainly lives up to its title. Hurry! NC (voiceover): Really? Kenny: Mother’s care. Everyone's favorite know-it-all neighbor, the beloved Ernest P. Worell, must head to Africa to save the girl of his dreams from a group of diamond smugglers. Was this review helpful to you? Theatrical poster. What, did one of the stagehands save the director’s life, so he promised him a pointless one second in a movie? (drinks a glass of milk and stands a little taller) Which will allow me to grow strong bones, clear skin…(takes another sip and grows even taller)…and, of course, make me totally invincible to all satanic troll attacks. He is captured by the townsfolk and sealed under an oak tree. That’s how strange an experience we’re in for, folks! DM: I have several arguments about it on many blogs! Ernest runs into the Halloween pageant hoping to save the kids from the troll’s next attack. NC (voiceover): (as the director) Uhh, just go with it, Austin! NC (voiceover): (laughs) Good God! Ernest is on the floor covered in ice cream and screams while shielding himself as Trantor approaches him, but Trantor stops and runs away). NC (voiceover): So unfortunately, he teams up with Ernest and his multiple personality disorder and spread the milk on all the trolls. Kenny: Just leave the troll fighting to us. Ernest helps Santa Claus as he searches for his successor. WHAT AM I MISSING HERE?! Get the chains on him. A feature adaptation of the classic television show, when nice guy redneck Jed Clampett strikes it rich when he finds black oil, and moves him and his kin to posh Beverly Hills. Meanwhile, Trantor receives greater powers and becomes impervious to milk. Trantor is a demonic troll who transforms children into wooden dolls to feast upon their energy in Briarville, Missouri in the late 19th century. (He speaks as one of the villagers while the rampage goes on) Look out! Got ‘em! troll phone cases. “A rare, slightly antiquated beverage generally produced in Bulgaria, which may or may not be fictional.” (He slams the book shut) Goddamnit, movie! It's what every child hopes for in a Halloween film. (quick flash to Bhargav wearing a Batman mask). In the ensuing fight between Trantor and Ernest, Trantor turns Ernest's dog Rimshot into a wooden doll before being driven off by soft serve ice cream covering Ernest's hands. (normal) So as the girl relaxes at home—dreaming of spontaneous boy sex—she can’t help but feel a predictable jump scare is about to attack her. Tom and Bobby Tulip, hoping to take advantage of Ernest, sell him a variety of fake troll traps, but one backfires on the mayor's sons and Ernest is fired from his job.
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